So....Eddie suggested I start a little group because some people are actually following my story. ...I talk to some of you via PM, phone, BBM...etc, so this may be a neat way to not just vent but get advice. ...and it allows me to keep my personal biz off of the public fourm.

As long as everyone agrees to keep what's in here off of the public fourm and off of my Facebook I will dish out the juicy details of divorce and dating life. ...I've gotten some great advice from 'yall so I appareciate any constructive things you have to say!

Some pictures, a few from my 'independence' party...the ex came by the party (to drop off my dry cleaning)

Album is set to 'public' so I don't think you need to be on FB to get it --> http://www.facebook.com/album.php?ai...2&l=4d350eff01

Yeah, I'm in.

Notes:

1) if you have a spouse never tell them they can have an open marriage. not a great idea. I suppose if both spouses are on board, it could be fun...but not if one had to ask for it because the other one wouldn't put out. Never in a million years did I think he'd actually go for it, I just figured he'd get help if I came to him about it. ...like maybe it'd be a wake up call? If you DO agree to it, don't take it back the next day when you realize your spouse didn't waste any time in taking you up on that offer.

2) NEVER have just one joint account. ...maybe a joint acnt for bills, but have some account with just your name on it. ...so you don't get 'there's nothing left in that account' after you split and ask to take money out of a CD that YOU had!

3) if your spouse spends the night out good chance she doesn't want to be at home with you.

4) staying up for a couple of days can more than likely not be attributed to only red bull and vodka.

5) If you don't want to know, don't ask. I never lied...but if you don't ask the right questions you'll never get the answers you're looking for.

6) When your spouse is crying telling you she can't do it anymore, and you need to split up.... the first thing out of your mouth probably should not be 'for tax reasons we're not doing anything til the first of the year' that comes scross as being a little cold.

So, I really would like a little dating advice. Yes, I'm serous. ...I suck at this whole dating thing...I've only gone out once since the split... I'm trying to keep a low profile as john seems to be digging quite a hole with his girlfriend, it actually makes me look like the victm here. granted it is kind of rough having his GF living two doors down form me, and he's about 6 doors down the hall. ...it's not bad until he throws it in my face with little comments here and there.

I don't really have an interest in going out/partying. It's funny, a few of my friends kid and said I got it out of my system when I was married and now I'm settling down. ...but realy, all I'm doing now is working, and if I go out it's generally for work related networking or social events. ...not picking up guys or anything of that nature.

Before I split with john I did meet someone, we didn't hang until after I left the condo though. We were talking before then, but it was all business related. Now we're 'dating.' ...and he said he's not dating anyone else, and doesn't intend to. He still has a lot of drama with his ex and is in the middle of what looks like is going to be a horrid custody battle. ...regardless, I enjoy the conversation we have, he's really smart, well spoken (I'm a sucker for the nerdy men)

I had a walk in at the office the other week and got a date (didn't sell him anything though ) He's totally in pursuit, talked last night and we're going to get lunch and pedicures tomorrow (I just found out I have something going on for work, so I need to cancel) ...but any rate, he's nice and I dig him...but I really just don't think I'm ready for this whole dating thing. ...an easy way to let him down? I'd love to keep him as a friend, as he does seem like a fantastic guy, but I just can't deal with even tlaking to more than one guy at a time now. I don't want to even go there.

1) NO "open marriages" EVER.

2) Only have my OWN account.

3) Either doesn't want to be with you or isn't thinking about you...either way it blows.

4) Red Bull/Vodka, yes, along with many other subtances.

The dating thing is difficult after a break-up. Everyone I know (including myself) throws themseleves into immediately into dating. It doesn't really accomplish much other than giving you self-esteem to know that you can get a date. Mentally, I don't think anyone is really prepared for a substantive relationship after a divorce. You need to greive and go through the loss. It gets better! Certainly seeing the person on a daily basis does not help the process! Any chance on changing that?

I know you weren't expecting they hubby to rip you off, and that really is sucky. I am sure looking back you can say, I never should have..... When we first started living together we had three accounts at the bank, two individuals and a joint for bills and stuff. It became a pain to manage so now we just do two separate accounts and use Quicken to keep track of everything.

To avoid the money problem for myself (not saying the BF would do it) I already have it planned that "if" I ever did decide to end my relationship with the BF, I would first change all my passwords on accounts and save a copy of our Quickenbooks for my records. Then tell him LOL

The best way to let the second guy down is to be honest. If he pushes the issue then he is not being respectful of your needs and you dont' want to get into another one of those relationships

I won't do the open marriage thing ever again, no open relationship in ANY way. I don't think that's what I truly wanted to begin with. At first I genuinely just wanted him to get some help. ...then it kind of took a life of its own.

Trying to not jump back into a relationship is actually kind of hard. ...good point, being honest can't hurt. Ugh, i just did the easy way out and canceled tomorrow via text. I hate talking on the phone expecially when I'm in the middle of stuff. Soooo much easier to just send a quick text.

We still have the joint acnt. Everythign for work is set up to go into that account. Nothing's seperate yet. ...I haven't made any money at work, so I don't see the point in ahving my own accnt at this point... He already took everything I had in savings, so it's not like I have anything left to lose.

Major, can't really not see him...on the same floor. Not sure if his lease is for 6months or a year. I saw him today. I walked to his office to pick up a loaner car, then went to go get Zippy frrm the dealership b.c he was busy at work.

Sandy: You sound like a "good kid". You may want to get some legal advice. If your money was stolen that is a crime. Please start up your own checking/savings account.
Dating is tough..my GF passed away last year from heart disease. I was fortunate to meet someone really sweet this year..life goes on..youth is on your side...hang in there!