So you think you know how you'd react, eh?
Well, let me tell you. I always said the same thing. Fri morning was the test to all that bravado.
Some here know that I keep weapons in my home. Some are designed for home protection. Some I purchased for the range. Some are great for sport shooting. Others are for wide open spaces and a few hundred yards of target practice.
I didn't have a single firearm where I wanted it that morning. Why didn't I say 'where I needed it'? 'Cause it turns out I didn't 'need' it.
Working from home at 9:15AM or so, the doorbell rings. Not an unusual thing for my home. It's usually a family member who lives nearby.. or a solicitor. I didn't pay much attention, but I did peek through the window to see a white Gran Marquis in my driveway. Well, my 90 yr old neighbor has one of those and he comes around every now and then to tell me about 1935- or whatever is on his mind. Today was not the day for that, so I didn't head to the door- about ten feet away around a corner.
But then this REALLY LOUD knock comes at the door. That was confusing. Why would my old neighbor knock that hard? Another LOUD knock. WTF? I started towards the door. Two steps. Two KNOCKS. I was now pissed, but I have delt with delusional elderly's before. I didn't want to scare him. I wanted to calm him down.
By the time I rounded the entry and saw through the glass that this person was absolutely not 90.. not frail.. and not who I thought he was... the door swung open. I was four feet away from a man who'd just kicked in my front door.
In. My. Home.
I had no weapon. I was not dressed. I was not ready. I had only me. Myself. My home. The place my daughter feels safe. The place my wife feels like she can be the woman I married. Our place.
The door swung open. His foot hit the floor from kicking in the door. And here's where it gets.. a little weird. It took this man coming inside my house to know that someone was breaking in. When I realized it, I went absolutely primal. I bowed up, raised my clenched fists... and I looked him dead in the eyes. This voice arose from me that I have never heard. It was demonic. It was LOUD. I yelled with all of the instinct and adrenaline and years and years of evolution,
"WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING A$$HOLE?!"
His knees buckled. His hands raised to his face like he was afraid to get shot. I saw in a human being the full fear that I was going to kill it. I didn't care. He was not coming in my house. Not into my place. Not into my peace. Not into my family. He was going to kill me or I was going to kill him. Period. I was still going to kill it. I was going to end it's life. Barefoot. Bare hands. No pants, no shirt. No gun.
He stepped towards his car parked in my driveway. He looked back as I followed him..He wondered if I was going to shoot him. Guess what.. I would have. I KNOW I would have! Not a threat? My ass! He was going to his car. What was in his car? A gun? A partner? If I had been armed, I would have absolutely shot his ass in his back. I wanted the threat I saw in him over. Done. Snuffed. OUT.
Why THE FNCK did I follow him? WTF was I thinking? I will tell you.. I wasn't. I wanted to see his face. I wanted to ALWAYS know who he is. I wanted him to KNOW I know him. I wanted him to KNOW I know his soul. And I do. I will never forget him.
So as he climbed into his car, I stood.. 10 feet away from him... looking into his eyes. STRAIGHT into his eyes. I pointed. I used all my rage. I yelled... "I GOT YOU MF'ER! I KNOW YOU! I GOT YOU!"
He yelled back at me from inside his car, "Oh! You got me huh?"
It was then that I considered he might have a gun in his car. I chose then not to be a foot from the car door. I stayed back. But I didn't let him know how scared I was. I yelled back....
"Yeah, BITCH! I GOT YOU! COME BACK! YOU COME BACK! I GOT YOU! I WILL KILL YOU!"
He left. I got his license. I called the police. I will ALWAYS know him. I will know who he is until the day one of us dies. If I saw him on the road, I would know it was him.
I don't want him dead for me. I want him dead so I know he will never do that to another man or his family. This man violated my place. My peace. The peace of my daughter. The peace of my wife. The place I promised I would protect for both of them.
As for the man's soul... I will tell you this. I know him. I could talk to him. He was a ball player. He wasn't always a loser. I would have no problem with him on any given day.. except that day.
I am working through the switch that was thrown in my human experience. I now know that I can and would kill another human being. All the talk aside. I absolutely would have killed him. In my HEART I know I can. I will. I WANTED him dead. That's a weird thing to deal with. You can say you would. You can say should. But when it gets down to it... forget *should* you...*would* you? *could* you?
I know I would. And that freaks me out a bit... Or a lot...