I would love to hear a good solid explanation why BMW's system takes so long to reflash their firmware AND why it doesn't take sometimes.

I have yet to work on a system that takes that long. Shoot I can ghost an entire raid array in less time than it takes them to do a single unit. And that is with GPI and GPO settings.

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2013 S4 Loaded (and NO RFT's) Awesome is an understatement
2008 MT X3 RIP you were a faithful sidekick and will be missed.
2007 AT X3 RIPOS
2005 GC
2000 Jeep Cherokee
1997 Twin Turbo RX-7
1984 GTI Wolfsburg Edition Neuspeed and more