oh, by the way, sorry if that post seemed like it was telling you to do anything. I really don't know what the correct thing to do is for this situation but just having been around a bunch of mechanics shops and different dealerships and observing their behavior in general with fixing my BMWs over like the past 15 years, when I used to be able to afford a mechanic, is also what my comment is based on, more than mechanical knowledge.
So sorry if I came off like I was telling you what to do as I read that post twice it may have seemed overbearing. The wife is a legitimate excuse to pay a mechanic and is my personal favorite so I also did not mean to denigrate that aspect of your dilemma.
And I wish you the best of luck with this.