This is a hoot. The ex is a no-knowledge knob. Any qualified mechanic will get him laughed out of court. You could have shared the juicy stuff with all of us though..
Good - Fast - Cheap: Pick any two.
E23 735i; E32 735iL (X 2 - 1 Alpine White and 1 Glacier Blue); E34 535i; E38 735iL; R50 Cooper; R55 Cooper Clubman.
E21 318i; E30 318i; E32 735iL; E34 535i; E38 730iL; E53 4.4i