Thanks, I'm glad if I can help. Tackle the no-start and the lights as separate issues. Let us know the result of the voltage test on the black and yellow wire going to the starter solenoid terminal 50. If there is no voltage, it is EWS. If there is voltage, suspect your starter, or like you were asking, the starter relay.
FWIW, yes, there is a starter relay. Through 1996 it was underneath the left side dashboard, in 1997 it moved to the E-box in the engine compartment, under the control modules.
The reason for your lights not working is probably a fuse or the lighting control module. The lighting control module is located by the passenger's right foot. You have to remove the sill and pull back the carpet. The fuses that provide power to the LCM are f112, f113, and f23. F112 and F113 are 80 amp fuses located in the fuse panel under the right front seat. F23 is a 5amp fuse in the fusebox in the engine compartment.