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  #101  
Old 12-02-2012, 09:56 AM
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Originally Posted by mj745 View Post
That's a viable option. Which is why I said "if" circumstances were such and such, "this" is probably how I'd react. Nobody knows the OP's entire story, so I made a hypothetical.

Regarding your text I highlighted in black, it wouldn't matter at that point if only "out" of the marriage was already decided upon.
How long have you been married?
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  #102  
Old 12-03-2012, 07:15 AM
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The other possibility you need to consider is that these two couples might be OK with that type of behavior.
No, or else I wouldn't be bringing it up here, right?

----

Haven't heard from Husband B yet.

About the trust and respect, here's what got me thinking: was it OK for Husband B to read Wife B's text to begin with?

It wouldn't be hard for Wife B to say "Why you didn't ask for my permission before reading my text"? But on the other hand when Husband B asked Wife B for permission, Wife B would counter "You don't trust me, do you?"

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Originally Posted by 1Dreamer View Post
Kind of agree here. Never really understood this kind of jealousy. The way I see it, you either trust your spouse/SO or you don't. If you do, then what's there to be jealous about? If you don't, what in the world are you doing staying with this person you can't trust? What's beating the other guy going to solve? Make your spouse love you more - or again? Might make the other guy stop flirting, but again, if you trust your spouse, then you have nothing to worry about. And if you don't, another will come along right behind him. And another - until you figure out you can beat them all up, the the source of the problem is your relationship, not the other people your spouse is flirting with.
How would you handle it? Yes one may trust his/her spouse, but the other might exploit that trust and live another life outside the marriage. The side who trusts the other is just a fool when looked from the other two. However it's also true the one who wants to cheat will /can keep on looking for someone else until "mission accomplished".

Last edited by Griffoun; 12-03-2012 at 07:24 AM.
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  #103  
Old 12-03-2012, 12:33 PM
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Originally Posted by Griffoun View Post
About the trust and respect, here's what got me thinking: was it OK for Husband B to read Wife B's text to begin with?

It wouldn't be hard for Wife B to say "Why you didn't ask for my permission before reading my text"? But on the other hand when Husband B asked Wife B for permission, Wife B would counter "You don't trust me, do you?"

Was ok for for Husband B to read the texts? That's a fine line. If he's the kind of guy that was always trying to control his wife, then no. If on the other hand, he noticed a change in her behavior and tried other means to find out what's bother her, than yes.

My reply to the wife's first question would be "Don't deflect your guilt back toward. I knew it was an invasion of your privacy but I obviously had reason to be suspicious." However, I'd try to go the second route first. My reply to the second question would be "Do you have something to hide? You can read all my email and texts if you want."

I've known several people that ended up divorced because of texts and emails like this. Technology doesn't cause the problem, but it can speed up the endgame.
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  #104  
Old 12-03-2012, 12:49 PM
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I'm surprised at the comments about reading each others texts. My wife and I are completely open about our phones, and our emails are usually logged in on all the computers on the house for convenience, so whatever gets sent is open to viewing if the other actually wanted to.

Neither of us really looks at the others stuff because we really don't care, but it's not an issue if we do. Hell, I went through her Facebook messages just last week trying to find what show time the movie she went to with her friends was after I forgot the time and was worried about her safety when it got real late (stormy weather, long road through some hills). Didn't want to text and bug her if it was a later showing than I had thought and she appreciated me checking first. Likewise I've done my share of a little harmless flirting and never cared if she wanted to read through my messages.

The whole idea of "this is my phone/email/whatever and you cant read it without my permission" seems like another way of saying "I'm hiding something from you"

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  #105  
Old 12-03-2012, 02:53 PM
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Originally Posted by E36 Phantom View Post
I'm surprised at the comments about reading each others texts. My wife and I are completely open about our phones, and our emails are usually logged in on all the computers on the house for convenience, so whatever gets sent is open to viewing if the other actually wanted to.

Neither of us really looks at the others stuff because we really don't care, but it's not an issue if we do. Hell, I went through her Facebook messages just last week trying to find what show time the movie she went to with her friends was after I forgot the time and was worried about her safety when it got real late (stormy weather, long road through some hills). Didn't want to text and bug her if it was a later showing than I had thought and she appreciated me checking first. Likewise I've done my share of a little harmless flirting and never cared if she wanted to read through my messages.

The whole idea of "this is my phone/email/whatever and you cant read it without my permission" seems like another way of saying "I'm hiding something from you"

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Same here. Not that either one of us would go through each others email/phone whatever, but we could if we wanted too. We've left emails open a million times, with our thinking about it. We use each others phones from time to time, and all of our stuff backs up to the same iCloud. Nothing to hide, so it's not a big deal.

Ugh. I was a less than perfect wife in my first marriage. ...what starts as innocent flirting can spiral and get out of control. ....I'm much happier now, and leave the flirting in the past.
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  #106  
Old 12-03-2012, 10:14 PM
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No, or else I wouldn't be bringing it up here, right?

----
It seemed to all work out well in the end for Harrison & Clapton.
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  #107  
Old 12-04-2012, 07:36 AM
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Husband B got back to me, Wife B was mad as hell because she claimed "her privacy was invaded", and said she would never talk to Husband A again, AND leave the cellphone alone, as in not using cellphone anymore. Husband B couldn't reach Husband A, so he talked to Wife A instead. Husband B didn't share much about that conversation, but basically Wife A was aware of the two have been exchanging messages frequently for a long time, way longer than Husband B was aware of - the duration isn't the surprising piece, but rather Wife A even reached out to her "guy friends" whether it's OK for Husband A to talk so much with Wife B?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I'm not in the position to comment what Wife B has done but like some of you have suggested, couple B needs help....

Now I have my own problem to handle with Mrs Griff, but that's for another thread
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  #108  
Old 12-04-2012, 08:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Griffoun View Post
Husband B got back to me, Wife B was mad as hell because she claimed "her privacy was invaded", and said she would never talk to Husband A again, AND leave the cellphone alone, as in not using cellphone anymore. Husband B couldn't reach Husband A, so he talked to Wife A instead. Husband B didn't share much about that conversation, but basically Wife A was aware of the two have been exchanging messages frequently for a long time, way longer than Husband B was aware of - the duration isn't the surprising piece, but rather Wife A even reached out to her "guy friends" whether it's OK for Husband A to talk so much with Wife B?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I'm not in the position to comment what Wife B has done but like some of you have suggested, couple B needs help....

Now I have my own problem to handle with Mrs Griff, but that's for another thread
Wife B's reaction and response has guilt written all over it. Sometimes I can't believe how a spouse flips out when their opposite looks at their phone or glances at their computer screens

Grif I wish your friend all the best and although I do not know the circumstances entirely I do have a feeling he's better off

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Now I have my own problem to handle with Mrs Griff, but that's for another thread
Man oh man, whatever it is I sincerely hope it all ends well and happily
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  #109  
Old 12-04-2012, 08:37 AM
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Wife B's reaction and response has guilt written all over it.
+1
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  #110  
Old 12-04-2012, 08:40 AM
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Originally Posted by mj745 View Post
Wife B's reaction and response has guilt written all over it. Sometimes I can't believe how a spouse flips out when their opposite looks at their phone or glances at their computer screens

Grif I wish your friend all the best and although I do not know the circumstances entirely I do have a feeling he's better off
That's how I feel, but I hope they're willing to close that chapter and move on.

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Man oh man, whatever it is I sincerely hope it all ends well and happily
Mine is relatively simple but also along the line of texting - Mrs Griff texted almost non-stop while "helping out" my son's homework on dining table recently. I didn't bring it up on the spot because I don't like lecturing my wife / being lectured by my wife in front of the kids, but I later pointed it out and she said there's nothing wrong with that.

I'm OK that she texts for a short time and put more concentration on the kid if that's what she wanted to do, and I've never complained her about texting too much, ever... but not the entire 30 minutes in front of a kid, right?

Last edited by Griffoun; 12-04-2012 at 08:43 AM.
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  #111  
Old 12-04-2012, 09:24 AM
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Originally Posted by mj745 View Post
Wife B's reaction and response has guilt written all over it.
Duh. (Meaning +1)

Quote:
Sometimes I can't believe how a spouse flips out when their opposite looks at their phone or glances at their computer screens
+2

I would tell such a spouse to grow up.
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  #112  
Old 12-04-2012, 09:53 AM
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Originally Posted by Griffoun View Post
Husband B got back to me, Wife B was mad as hell because she claimed (1) "her privacy was invaded", and said she (2) would never talk to Husband A again, AND leave the cellphone alone, (3) as in not using cellphone anymore.

1) She is blaming her husband for finding out.
2) She blaming husband A.
3) She is blaming her phone.


Husband B couldn't reach Husband A,
He is hiding from husband B.

so he talked to Wife A instead. Husband B didn't share much about that conversation, but basically Wife A was aware of the two have been exchanging messages frequently for a long time,
So wife A was hiding and keeping a secret too from husband B.

way longer than Husband B was aware of - the duration isn't the surprising piece, but rather Wife A even reached out to her "guy friends"
To her guy friends but not to her guy husband B friend.
whether it's OK for Husband A to talk so much with Wife B?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I'm not in the position to comment what Wife B has done
Why? Keep sharing. This was just getting interesting.

but like some of you have suggested, couple B needs help....
A bunch of true friends these 4 people are, huh? The three of them know whats going on and they are all in on the secret they keep from their forth member. He should cut off from the two of them and try to see if there is a basis left for working on his relationship with his wife. The answer to that question is depending on his wife.
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Last edited by MatWiz; 12-04-2012 at 09:54 AM.
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  #113  
Old 12-04-2012, 09:57 AM
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Originally Posted by Griffoun View Post
Mine is relatively simple but also along the line of texting - Mrs Griff texted almost non-stop while "helping out" my son's homework on dining table recently. I didn't bring it up on the spot because I don't like lecturing my wife / being lectured by my wife in front of the kids, but I later pointed it out and she said there's nothing wrong with that.

I'm OK that she texts for a short time and put more concentration on the kid if that's what she wanted to do, and I've never complained her about texting too much, ever... but not the entire 30 minutes in front of a kid, right?
That depends. Is she texting with husband A?



j/k
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  #114  
Old 12-04-2012, 10:03 AM
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That depends. Is she texting with husband A?



j/k


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You're a derbanana
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  #115  
Old 12-04-2012, 10:20 AM
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That depends. Is she texting with husband A?



j/k
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I knew that's coming, but no, my wife doesn't know them. Yeah, I've read her text and she's aware of it.
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  #116  
Old 12-04-2012, 01:57 PM
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That depends. Is she texting with husband A?



j/k


that's bad, that's bad, I'm not even gonna laugh


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