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  #1  
Old 12-06-2005, 06:08 PM
pintnight pintnight is offline
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Location: West of Dallas, East of Ft. Worth
 
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What to buy a man for Christmas.....

With the holidays approaching, use these rules when shopping for men's gifts.

Rule #1
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. " By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years.

Rule #7
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy. And it will last for 23
years.

Rule #8
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink. You get the idea. No one knows why.

Rule #9
Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Fleet Farm, Menards, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Expert Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sears' Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores.

It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."

Rule #11
Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #12
Tickets to any sporting events is a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

Rule #13
Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a Chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #14
It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #15
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why.

Seasons Greetings!!!
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  #2  
Old 12-06-2005, 09:08 PM
Bob330Ci Bob330Ci is offline
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Location: Metro Detroit, MI
 
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#13 left me laughing out loud imagining myself with a new chain saw!

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  #3  
Old 12-06-2005, 09:48 PM
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BMWenthusiast BMWenthusiast is offline
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Mein Auto: E90 2006 BMW 330i
im sending this to everyone who is getting me gift
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Old 12-06-2005, 10:17 PM
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operknockity operknockity is offline
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As I was scanning the article titles, I accidentally read this one as "Want to buy a man for Christmas"
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  #5  
Old 12-07-2005, 07:55 AM
BobC BobC is offline
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I have to disagree with #9, I look forward to anyone in my family getting a gift that requires assembly. Because I usually get to put it together
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