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Everything not about BMWs. Posts must be "primetime safe" and in good taste. No personal attacks allowed. Political posting is restricted to the Political Science forum!

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  #1  
Old 12-17-2002, 05:54 AM
Sabrina Sabrina is offline
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Talking Christmas Party Notice ... (this is really funny) ...

December 1st
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm happy to inform you that the company
Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at
Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of
spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional
carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as
Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange
of gifts among employees can be done at that time;
however, no gift should be over $10.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director

December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to
exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that
Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides
with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year).
However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday
Party." The same policy applies to employees who are
celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no
Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director

December 3rd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a
member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a
non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this
request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the
table that reads, "AA Only," you won't be anonymous
anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts
exchange--no gifts will be allowed since the union
members feel that $10 is too much money.
Patty Lewis
Human Researchers Director

December 7th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I've arranged for members of Overeaters
Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet
and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are
allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have
to sit with the gay men; each will have their table.
Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay
men's table. Happy now?
Patty Lewis
Human Racehorses Director

December 9th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
People, people -- nothing sinister was
intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus!
Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be
"Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own
"little man in a red suit."
Patty Lewis
Human Ratraces

December 10th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Vegetarians --I've had it with you people!! We're going to
hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like
it or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill of
death," as you put it, and you'll get salad bar
only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know,
tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you
slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now...
Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?
The ***** from Hell

December 14th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing
Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her
stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your
cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime,
management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give
everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Terri Bishop
Acting Human Resources Director
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  #2  
Old 12-17-2002, 05:56 AM
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It was kinda funny (last year, anyway)
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  #3  
Old 12-17-2002, 05:57 AM
Alex Baumann Alex Baumann is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by atyclb
It was kinda funny (last year, anyway)
Yeah, she used to find funnier stories...


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  #4  
Old 12-17-2002, 06:02 AM
Sabrina Sabrina is offline
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Oh forget it ... ... you people are hopeless ... ...

It made me laugh ...
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  #5  
Old 12-17-2002, 06:03 AM
Sabrina Sabrina is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Alex Baumann
Yeah, she used to find funnier stories...


Oh yeah ... you guys talking about shrinkage in the ice ... is OH SO FUNNY ... ...

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  #6  
Old 12-17-2002, 06:04 AM
Alex Baumann Alex Baumann is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sabrina
Oh forget it ... ... you people are hopeless ... ...

It made me laugh ...
Good Morning to you too, Sabrina
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  #7  
Old 12-17-2002, 06:05 AM
Alex Baumann Alex Baumann is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sabrina
Oh yeah ... you guys talking about shrinkage in the ice ... is OH SO FUNNY ... ...

Hey, that was not me !


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  #8  
Old 12-17-2002, 06:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sabrina
Oh yeah ... you guys talking about shrinkage in the ice ... is OH SO FUNNY ... ...

At least it takes ice for some of us to shrink Not like our *ahem* voice mail frined Mike
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  #9  
Old 12-17-2002, 06:10 AM
Sabrina Sabrina is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by atyclb
It was kinda funny (last year, anyway)
You just wait ... I'll find a funny Bono joke yet ... and you'll be sorry ...

This is the best I could do ... ... but its not funny ...

How many members of U2 does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only one. Bono holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.
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  #10  
Old 12-17-2002, 06:11 AM
Sabrina Sabrina is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Alex Baumann
Good Morning to you too, Sabrina
Good Morning Dimple Boy ...
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  #11  
Old 12-17-2002, 06:11 AM
Sabrina Sabrina is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Alex Baumann
Hey, that was not me !


... I'll believe it when I see it ...

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  #12  
Old 12-17-2002, 06:12 AM
Sabrina Sabrina is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by PM 325xiT
At least it takes ice for some of us to shrink Not like our *ahem* voice mail frined Mike
Hey Phil ... I have one for you ...

Do you know why the Amish wife was divorcing her Amish husband?? ...


Because he was driving her buggy ...
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  #13  
Old 12-17-2002, 06:39 AM
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Ausgang Ausgang is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sabrina
Oh yeah ... you guys talking about shrinkage in the ice ... is OH SO FUNNY ... ...

Oooh, that was low.

I liked the joke though. It could have been scripted from one holiday party we had at one my previous employers. The whole thing got completely out of hand ---- with people fighting over everything from whether we should be aloud to have green and red decorations . . . to whether it is appropriate to have dancing.

Unfortunately, in our case the event coordinator from personnel didn't help much, as her main interest was trying to 'score' with the young guys in my dept. (Each of us, in time, declined, BTW.)
The party was another thing. Somehow there was something offesnsive to the Kwanza celebrators.
My gang left early . . . and later learned there were lawsuits after the party. All this at company expense at one of the nicest restaurants in Philly.

Looking back on it now, it is FUNNY!
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  #14  
Old 12-17-2002, 07:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sabrina
You just wait ... I'll find a funny Bono joke yet ... and you'll be sorry ...

This is the best I could do ... ... but its not funny ...

How many members of U2 does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only one. Bono holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.
How many members of U2 does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. atyclb will do it for them.
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