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Everything not about BMWs. Posts must be "primetime safe" and in good taste. No personal attacks allowed. Political posting is restricted to the Political Science forum!

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  #1  
Old 07-27-2014, 08:05 PM
noego noego is online now
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Mein Auto: '06 X3, 1997 Chevy truck,
joke

A French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking.
With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and a quite few glasses of single malt thereafter.

Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcotest (breath test) him and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he is going to be arrested.

The Englishman answers:

"No sir, I do not! But while we're asking questions, do you know that this is a British car and my wife is driving... on the other side
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  #2  
Old 07-27-2014, 09:19 PM
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MatWiz MatWiz is offline
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  #3  
Old 07-28-2014, 06:43 AM
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dynosor dynosor is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matwiz View Post
x2
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  #4  
Old 07-28-2014, 03:17 PM
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jummo jummo is offline
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Good one, here's another!

A couple is driving home from a party. The man is driving fast and suddenly sees flashing red lights in the mirror.

He says to his wife "I'm going to deny I was speeding and you're going to be my witness. That way it's the two of us against the cop.

The Officer walks up to their stopped car and says "Sir, is there a reason you were driving 20 MPH over the posted limit?"

The man says "I was not speeding, ask my wife she'll vouch for me".

The Officer leans in the window and says "Well, maam?'

The wife replies "Officer, I have been married to this man for 30 years and one thing I have learned is you don't argue with him when he's been drinking."



I'll be here all week!

jummo
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  #5  
Old 07-28-2014, 07:20 PM
noego noego is online now
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Good one, jummo!
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  #6  
Old Yesterday, 04:35 AM
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dynosor dynosor is offline
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A penguin takes his car to a service station to diagnose a rough running engine.

While he is waiting for the mechanic to get on with the job, the penguin waddles across the street for a snack at the local Milky Way.

When the penguin returns he notices the mechanic still has his head under the car's hood. Then the penguin asks: "So; what is the problem with my car?"

The mechanic looks over at the penguin and exclaims: "It looks like you've blown a seal!"

The penguin responds: "No; that's just a little ice-cream on my beak."
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  #7  
Old Yesterday, 05:27 AM
Racer-X / 6'er Racer-X / 6'er is offline
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BREAKING NEWS; Next year, North Carolina plans to open the worlds largest Zoo.

We're going to put a fence around South Carolina...
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  #8  
Old Yesterday, 04:36 PM
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MatWiz MatWiz is offline
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Timing is everything
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