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  #1  
Old 08-25-2015, 07:55 PM
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Probably the most honest, heart felt meme that everyone can agree on...

Yep.
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  #2  
Old 08-25-2015, 09:12 PM
Autoputzer Autoputzer is online now
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My building at work has 15 men using the same one toilet/one urinal bathroom. There's no exhaust vent. One of the youngsters in the building is a fat guy who doesn't eat vegetables. Macaroni and cheese is not a vegetable, except at Cracker Barrel. Even then, it's technically a "side item," not a vegetable. Anyway, he sits in there for about 30 minutes making straining and moaning noises. I suspect his outgassing turd is hanging halfway out his butt for most of that time before it finally dives into the toilet. When he's in there for one of his marathon dumps it stinks up half the building, not just the can itself.

I'm retiring Monday! Never having to be around for Captain Constipated's marathons is one of the many things I will not miss.
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  #3  
Old 08-26-2015, 02:05 AM
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cmac2012 cmac2012 is offline
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Wow! Some kinda thread!
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  #4  
Old 08-26-2015, 05:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Autoputzer View Post
My building at work has 15 men using the same one toilet/one urinal bathroom. There's no exhaust vent. One of the youngsters in the building is a fat guy who doesn't eat vegetables. Macaroni and cheese is not a vegetable, except at Cracker Barrel. Even then, it's technically a "side item," not a vegetable. Anyway, he sits in there for about 30 minutes making straining and moaning noises. I suspect his outgassing turd is hanging halfway out his butt for most of that time before it finally dives into the toilet. When he's in there for one of his marathon dumps it stinks up half the building, not just the can itself.

I'm retiring Monday! Never having to be around for Captain Constipated's marathons is one of the many things I will not miss.
LOL!

We call our 3rd floor bathroom "The Curry Pot". There should be hazard pay for using it. I prefer using the 4th floor bathrooms.
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  #5  
Old 08-26-2015, 06:13 AM
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one bathroom, 2 stalls, 2 urinals, roughly 20 guys. Some days I think the entire production team got together for Chinese buffet. It truly is awful.
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  #6  
Old 08-26-2015, 06:43 AM
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Paul335i Paul335i is offline
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Precisely why I only poop at home. Men too insecure to use the urinals use the toilet and inevitably pi$$ all over the floor. If you have to poop, your pants end up lying in pi$$.
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  #7  
Old 08-26-2015, 09:52 AM
Spike Holmes Spike Holmes is offline
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Precisely why I only poop at home. Men too insecure to use the urinals use the toilet and inevitably pi$$ all over the floor. If you have to poop, your pants end up lying in pi$$.
This is why I generally wait until just after they have been cleaned. 3 Floors = 3 loo's. Each one is cleaned 3-4 times a day. Some of these old guys seriously need to change their diet.
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  #8  
Old 08-26-2015, 10:11 AM
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This is hilarious stuff.

Many guys spend Super Bowl Sunday eating chilli, beer, hot wings, etc. What goes in on Super Bowl Sunday, must come out on Monday. I do my best to work from home, or take a vacation day on Super Bowl Monday.

Where I used to work, there was a guy that would take a book with him into the bathroom every single afternoon. There were times that I would walk into the wash room, when he had been in there for a good half hour, only to have the lights turn on (automatic sensor lights), hearing him take a sharp intake of breath due to being woken up, and hearing his book fall on the ground.
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  #9  
Old 08-26-2015, 11:06 AM
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One time I popped into Orchard Supply Hardware, both to buy something and to relieve myself of the coffee-laxative effect. The single sitdown stall was occupied. I do my shopping, checking back in now and then, still occupied. After 15 minutes, the guy is still in there. And me really wanting 2 quality minutes. As I'm checking out, I advise the checker that someone in the john might be having a medical emergency, and she promptly got on the horn for assistance. F with me will ya . . .
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  #10  
Old 08-26-2015, 01:40 PM
Autoputzer Autoputzer is online now
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Originally Posted by Oscar View Post
This is hilarious stuff.

Many guys spend Super Bowl Sunday eating chilli, beer, hot wings, etc. What goes in on Super Bowl Sunday, must come out on Monday. I do my best to work from home, or take a vacation day on Super Bowl Monday.

Where I used to work, there was a guy that would take a book with him into the bathroom every single afternoon. There were times that I would walk into the wash room, when he had been in there for a good half hour, only to have the lights turn on (automatic sensor lights), hearing him take a sharp intake of breath due to being woken up, and hearing his book fall on the ground.
We had a summer intern where I used to work who was a genius at getting under people's skin. One of the BSEE nerds would camp out in the crapper for a half-hour, and take a science fiction novel to read. The intern started keeping a record of how long the nerd spent taking a dump. The nerd started tucking his paperback novel up his jacket sleeve, and walking around the other side of the building to sneak into his favorite bathroom, one that had little use and with an extra large cripple stall. I'd tell the intern the nerd had snuck in there. He'd go in, knock on the stall door and ask the nerd what time he got there and what time he was planning on being finished. "... I need this data for my report." The nerd would get so upset he take the rest of the day off. The intern has about a half dozen things that would set the nerd off enough that he'd take the rest of the day off.

When Captain Constipation is up to his tricks, I declare an official poo emergency and use the women's can. We only have one women in the building, and I warn her that I'm taking over her bathroom for national security reasons.
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  #11  
Old 08-26-2015, 02:48 PM
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mark_m5 mark_m5 is offline
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As I'm checking out, I advise the checker that someone in the john might be having a medical emergency, and she promptly got on the horn for assistance. F with me will ya . . .
Talk about revenge!
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  #12  
Old 08-26-2015, 02:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Autoputzer View Post
He'd go in, knock on the stall door and ask the nerd what time he got there and what time he was planning on being finished. "... I need this data for my report." The nerd would get so upset he take the rest of the day off.
Is the nerd's boss oblivious? If I had people taking the rest of the day off, I'd probably fire them within a couple of weeks.
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  #13  
Old 08-26-2015, 03:01 PM
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Fortunately, we have lots of bathrooms at work, and they have vent fans.
Unfortunately, the guys who work here are pigs who were raised without any concern for the damage they do.
We have regular cleaning during the day. I feel sorry for the cleaning crew.
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  #14  
Old 08-26-2015, 04:12 PM
Autoputzer Autoputzer is online now
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Is the nerd's boss oblivious? If I had people taking the rest of the day off, I'd probably fire them within a couple of weeks.
...annual leave, a.ka. vacation time. In 26.33 years with the federal government, I've only seen five people get fired. Three of them wanted it. Rather than quitting, they wanted to screw with management before leaving.

The nerd's boss eventually quit, started his own company, currently with 200 employees, and is a deca-millionaire.

In the federal civil service, a supervisor can deny you taking annual leave. In that rare case, you take sick leave. The can't deny that for three days or less. More than three days, you can make you get a doctor's note. I've known two people who took over a year off for "stress." One actually got workman's comp' for it. Another co-worker got 100% disability for depression.

When I'd take a week of "slick" leave due to a crazy boss, I'd make a point of getting a good tan and waxing my truck, just to let him know I enjoyed my week off. There was nothing he could do.

Last edited by Autoputzer; 08-26-2015 at 04:38 PM.
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  #15  
Old 08-26-2015, 07:21 PM
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I don't poop.
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  #16  
Old 08-27-2015, 01:12 AM
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cmac2012 cmac2012 is offline
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Talk about revenge!
I felt kinda guilty about it. Some poor employee had to go in and ask if the guy needed help. Oh, it was mean all right. But damn, I really wanted that seat for even just one minute. If I'm constipated, I'll do what I can, then clean up and walk around. Soon enough I can get better action.
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  #17  
Old 08-27-2015, 06:56 AM
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I don't poop.
I guess that means you are FOS
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  #18  
Old 08-27-2015, 07:11 AM
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  #19  
Old 08-27-2015, 08:46 AM
crazy4trains crazy4trains is offline
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Precisely why I only poop at home. Men too insecure to use the urinals use the toilet and inevitably pi$$ all over the floor. If you have to poop, your pants end up lying in pi$$.
Paul,

If your pants end up on the pi$$ covered floor then that's your own fault!!! You have knees, don't you??? Yer pants will sit right there.
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  #20  
Old 08-27-2015, 06:08 PM
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Ringtone!
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  #21  
Old 08-27-2015, 07:32 PM
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That is focking funny! Sending to my family who play in local orchestras! LMAO~~~
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  #22  
Old 08-27-2015, 08:15 PM
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I prefer to poop at home, but at work, we have a janitor to clean the restroom in the station, no piss on the floor or anything on the floor, the restroom floor is always clean so, if I had to then poop at the station restroom. at home I use a generic baby wipe to wipe my arse, it clean better than toilet papers. It's only cost $1.99 a box.
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  #23  
Old 08-28-2015, 04:42 AM
Autoputzer Autoputzer is online now
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Originally Posted by mark_m5 View Post
Fortunately, we have lots of bathrooms at work, and they have vent fans.
Unfortunately, the guys who work here are pigs who were raised without any concern for the damage they do.
We have regular cleaning during the day. I feel sorry for the cleaning crew.
Our cleaning woman often blurts out "Uh oh! We have a crapachino in here!"

She's actually a hoot. One day she was telling her escort (guests need an escort in my building) about how a childhood friend of her adult son was in town for spring break and tried to look up her son. He son was gone, joining the military. But, she invited him to stay with her for the week and they ****** each other's brains out for the whole week.

Her normal escort is a practical joker. On April Fool's Day, he put a rubber snake behind the toilet, tied it to some clear fishing line, routed the line around the sink and out under the door in the women's room. The cleaning women went in to go to the bathroom, before starting her cleaning chores. This was followed by a blood curdling scream and her running out with her pants half down. She wasn't upset. I think she enjoyed the opportunity to show her pant-less self off to the practical joker.

There's another, younger cleaning woman who wants me to rescue her from her life. Seeing my new BMW (I normally drive the Cobalt to work) only intensified the situation.
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