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  #1  
Old 04-30-2002, 06:06 AM
Guest84 Guest84 is offline
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Oil change

Quote:
Oil change instructions for women:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube

2. Drink a latte

3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil change $20.00
Latte $ 2.00
Total $22.00 + GST


Oil change instructions for Men

1. Go to auto parts store and write check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner, and a scented
tree.

2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it to recycle plant, dump in hole in back yard.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5. Find jack stands under son's pedal car.

6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7. Place drain pan under engine.

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9. Give up and use vise grips.

10. Attempt to unscrew drain plug.

11. Strip head of drain plug with vice grips.

12. Go get extension cord, drill, and drill bit to drill out the drain plug.

13. Go to auto parts store and purchase a complete set of easy outs.

14. Drill and easy out the drain plug.

15. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil. Get hot oil on you in process.

16. Clean up mess.

17. Have another beer while watching oil drain.

18. Look for oil filter wrench.

19. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.

20. Beer.

21. Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.

22. Next day, drag pan full of oil out from underneath car.

23. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 15.

24. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.

25. Walk to beer store; buy beer.

26. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

27. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

28. Remember drain plug from step 11.

29. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

30. Discover that the used oil is burried in a hole in the back yard along with drain plug.

31. Drink beer.

32. Uncover hole and sift for drain plug that can't be used.

33. Go to auto parts store and get new drain plug.

34. Cross thread drain plug.

35. Remove drain plug and re-tap threads.

36. Attempt to install drain plug, but it no longer fits (wrong tap size).

37. Go to auto parts store and buy expandable rubber drain plug.

38. Install drain plug.

39. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is on floor.

40. Drink beer.

41. Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.

42. Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 41.

43. Begin cussing fit.

44. Throw wrench.

45. Cuss for additional 10 minutes looking for thrown wrench.

46. Beer.

47. Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

48. Beer.

49. Beer.

50. Dump in five quarts of fresh oil.

51. Beer.

52. Lower car from jack stands. (43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.

53. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spill during step 27.

54. Beer.

55. Test drive car.

56. Get pulled over; arrested for drunk driving.

57. Car gets impounded.

58. Make bail.

59. Get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts $ 50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $ 75.00
Bail $1500.00
Tow $ 75.00
Beer $ 25.00

Total $4225.00
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  #2  
Old 04-30-2002, 06:15 AM
New Disguise New Disguise is offline
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Reminds me of when my mother took her SUV to Minute Lube for an oil change with me(unfortunatly in it.) The service man asked her to put on the ebrake and she says "I don't know if this thing has an ebrake... I've never used it." and when asked to pop the hood she says "I don't know how."

She recent bought a VW Jetta, and now that the weather has become warmer again and the aux fan has turned on for the first time, she was concerned something was wrong with the car because it was making 'noises' after it was shut off.
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  #3  
Old 08-08-2014, 08:42 AM
nexsen nexsen is offline
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if you only spent 20 on an oil change surly it wasn't synthetic
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  #4  
Old 08-08-2014, 09:19 AM
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BeemerMikeTX BeemerMikeTX is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nexsen View Post
if you only spent 20 on an oil change surly it wasn't synthetic
^ This.
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  #5  
Old 08-08-2014, 02:14 PM
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Dave 330i Dave 330i is offline
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BMW oil change material costs. Buy 5 qt container Mobil 1 0-30wt $24.97 each at WalMart ($5.41/qt including tax). Mann filters from eEuroparts.com $5.14 each box of 10 include free shipping. Total $37.84 oil + $5.14 filter = $42.98 in material. Mobil 1 5W-30, 10W-30, 15W-50, same price.

If I exclude the ritual of drinking beer, I can change the oil/filter within 15 minutes. I can reach the oil drain plug without ramp or jacks when the car is parked where the driveway meets the street. Time is dependent on how long you want to wait for the old oil to drain completely.
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Last edited by Dave 330i; 08-08-2014 at 02:17 PM.
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  #6  
Old 08-08-2014, 04:43 PM
Autoputzer Autoputzer is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave 330i View Post
BMW oil change material costs. Buy 5 qt container Mobil 1 0-30wt $24.97 each at WalMart ($5.41/qt including tax). Mann filters from eEuroparts.com $5.14 each box of 10 include free shipping. Total $37.84 oil + $5.14 filter = $42.98 in material. Mobil 1 5W-30, 10W-30, 15W-50, same price.

If I exclude the ritual of drinking beer, I can change the oil/filter within 15 minutes. I can reach the oil drain plug without ramp or jacks when the car is parked where the driveway meets the street. Time is dependent on how long you want to wait for the old oil to drain completely.
Those viscosities of Mobil 1 do not meet the BMW Long Life 01 (gasoline engine) specification. You need to use Mobil 1 0W-40. Sometimes Walmart has it, sometimes they don't. It depends on the Walmart.

BMW diesels need BMW Long Life 04, Mobil 1 ESP.

http://www.mobiloil.com/USA-English/...s/Mobil_1.aspx
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  #7  
Old 08-08-2014, 04:45 PM
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Dave 330i Dave 330i is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Autoputzer View Post
Those viscosities of Mobil 1 do not meet the BMW Long Life 01 (gasoline engine) specification. You need to use Mobil 1 0W-40. Sometimes Walmart has it, sometimes they don't. It depends on the Walmart.

BMW diesels need BMW Long Life 04, Mobil 1 ESP.

http://www.mobiloil.com/USA-English/...s/Mobil_1.aspx
Thanks for the insight. I know you meant well, but I suspect the spec is too intolerant. Maybe the wrong oil used will shorten the life of my engine? I had to replace the valve gaskets at 110K miles and I hope my engine will last much longer than the 170K miles so far.
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Swim upstream. Go the other way. Ignore the conventional wisdom. If everybody is doing it one way, there’s a good chance you can find your niche by going exactly in the opposite direction", Sam Walton.

Last edited by Dave 330i; 08-08-2014 at 04:56 PM.
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  #8  
Old 08-08-2014, 04:55 PM
Autoputzer Autoputzer is offline
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You're pro'lly not blasting down the Autobahn, and you pro'lly change oil more frequently than required. I'm curious though, what's you oil consumption like at that high mileage? My old BMW's oil consumption went up after I went over the 100k mile mark.
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  #9  
Old 08-08-2014, 07:02 PM
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Sportsdad Sportsdad is offline
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Who WAS Guest84?
Pretty funny joke IMO.
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  #10  
Old 08-08-2014, 07:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nexsen View Post
if you only spent 20 on an oil change surly it wasn't synthetic
And you surely were not driving in 2002. Babe face.
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  #11  
Old 08-08-2014, 11:27 PM
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paulg paulg is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sportsdad View Post
Who WAS Guest84?
Pretty funny joke IMO.
Some old fart.
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  #12  
Old 08-09-2014, 05:03 AM
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MatWiz MatWiz is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave 330i View Post
Thanks for the insight. I know you meant well, but I suspect the spec is too intolerant. Maybe the wrong oil used will shorten the life of my engine? I had to replace the valve gaskets at 110K miles and I hope my engine will last much longer than the 170K miles so far.
Not really. BMW own brand oil is 5W-30. But all oils are "about" those increments of 5 specs. the BMW 5W-30 is closer to 0W-40 (I think it's 38 IIRC). The Mobile 1 0W-40 is the closer replacement to BMW 5W-30.
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  #13  
Old 08-09-2014, 05:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sportsdad View Post
Who WAS Guest84?
Pretty funny joke IMO.
If you could say so yourself if I might add.
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  #14  
Old 08-09-2014, 06:28 AM
Autoputzer Autoputzer is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave 330i View Post
Thanks for the insight. I know you meant well, but I suspect the spec is too intolerant. Maybe the wrong oil used will shorten the life of my engine? I had to replace the valve gaskets at 110K miles and I hope my engine will last much longer than the 170K miles so far.
Engine "life" is subjective. Engines are usually the most durable sub-system in a car. But, their power and efficiency degrades with mileage, and the wrong oil can accelerate the degradation. Engine life also depends on the type of driving done, and the frequency of the oil changes (since performance of the oil degrades with use).

MatWiz is correct in that BMW LL-01 5W-30 has a higher high-temperature viscosity than Mobil 1 5W-30.

BMW LL-01 5W-30 has a kinetic viscosity of 12.2 cSt (centi-Stokes) at 100 deg. C:

http://www.tds.castrol.com.au/pdf/10...205W-30%20.pdf


Mobil 1 5W-30 has a kinetic viscosity of 11.0 cSt at 100 deg. C:

http://www.mobiloil.com/USA-English/..._1_5W-30.aspx#


Mobil 1 5W-30 Extended Performance has a kinetic viscosity of 10.6 cSt at 100 deg. C:

http://www.mobiloil.com/USA-English/...ce_5W-30.aspx#

Oil performance is not just about viscosity. Wear and deposit performance is strongly dependent on the additive packages. Lubrizol is the industry leader in lubricant and fuel additives. They have the various oil performance specifications summarized in "radar" charts on their website:

http://www.lubrizol.com/apps/relperftool/pc.html#

Mobil 1 5W-30 meets SAE SN, ISLAC GF-5, and ACEA A1/B1 and A5/B5. Here's the radar chart comparing the spec's. BMW LL-01 requires less wear, sludge, piston deposits, and oxidative thickening than SN, GF-5, A1/B1 and A5/B5.

Here's the spec's on Mobil 1 0W-40, which does meet BMW Long Life 01:

http://www.mobiloil.com/USA-English/..._1_0W-40.aspx#

By using Mobil 1 5W-30, you're risking excessive engine wear (depending on how you drive), but you're saving a little money on oil and might be getting slightly better fuel economy (due to the lower viscosity). Do what ever works for you, but I'm going to follow BMW's recommendations, especially since I have a turbocharger to care for.
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Last edited by Autoputzer; 08-09-2014 at 06:36 AM.
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  #15  
Old 08-09-2014, 08:47 AM
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I doubt it makes a difference in protection which oil viscosity to use, 0-40, 10-50, etc. A lot of specs are there just to confuse you to think one is better than another. What are the test data that went into establishing those specifications? Like another of specs, the engineers probably winged them. I am not convinced they have absolute value. Similarly, when BMW recommends a certain oil for their automobiles, most likely it is because of receiving monetary sponsorship, not because the quality of the oil as compared to another brand.
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Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. Albert Einstein

Swim upstream. Go the other way. Ignore the conventional wisdom. If everybody is doing it one way, there’s a good chance you can find your niche by going exactly in the opposite direction", Sam Walton.

Last edited by Dave 330i; 08-09-2014 at 08:51 AM.
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  #16  
Old 08-09-2014, 10:15 AM
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wyb wyb is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave 330i View Post
I doubt it makes a difference in protection which oil viscosity to use, 0-40, 10-50, etc. A lot of specs are there just to confuse you to think one is better than another. What are the test data that went into establishing those specifications? Like another of specs, the engineers probably winged them. I am not convinced they have absolute value. Similarly, when BMW recommends a certain oil for their automobiles, most likely it is because of receiving monetary sponsorship, not because the quality of the oil as compared to another brand.
o'rly?

engineers "wing it"?
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  #17  
Old 08-09-2014, 10:22 AM
Autoputzer Autoputzer is offline
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Yeah, all those spec's are just made up. You're absolutely right. It's actually a closely held industry secret that Aunt Jemima's Pancake Syrup is actually a better engine lubricant than Mobil 1, Shell Helix, etc. It also tastes better on pancakes... waffles, too.
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  #18  
Old 08-09-2014, 12:24 PM
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MatWiz MatWiz is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Autoputzer View Post
Engine "life" is subjective. Engines are usually the most durable sub-system in a car. But, their power and efficiency degrades with mileage, and the wrong oil can accelerate the degradation. Engine life also depends on the type of driving done, and the frequency of the oil changes (since performance of the oil degrades with use).

MatWiz is correct in that BMW LL-01 5W-30 has a higher high-temperature viscosity than Mobil 1 5W-30.

BMW LL-01 5W-30 has a kinetic viscosity of 12.2 cSt (centi-Stokes) at 100 deg. C:

http://www.tds.castrol.com.au/pdf/10...205W-30%20.pdf


Mobil 1 5W-30 has a kinetic viscosity of 11.0 cSt at 100 deg. C:

http://www.mobiloil.com/USA-English/..._1_5W-30.aspx#


Mobil 1 5W-30 Extended Performance has a kinetic viscosity of 10.6 cSt at 100 deg. C:

http://www.mobiloil.com/USA-English/...ce_5W-30.aspx#

Oil performance is not just about viscosity. Wear and deposit performance is strongly dependent on the additive packages. Lubrizol is the industry leader in lubricant and fuel additives. They have the various oil performance specifications summarized in "radar" charts on their website:

http://www.lubrizol.com/apps/relperftool/pc.html#

Mobil 1 5W-30 meets SAE SN, ISLAC GF-5, and ACEA A1/B1 and A5/B5. Here's the radar chart comparing the spec's. BMW LL-01 requires less wear, sludge, piston deposits, and oxidative thickening than SN, GF-5, A1/B1 and A5/B5.

Here's the spec's on Mobil 1 0W-40, which does meet BMW Long Life 01:

http://www.mobiloil.com/USA-English/..._1_0W-40.aspx#

By using Mobil 1 5W-30, you're risking excessive engine wear (depending on how you drive), but you're saving a little money on oil and might be getting slightly better fuel economy (due to the lower viscosity). Do what ever works for you, but I'm going to follow BMW's recommendations, especially since I have a turbocharger to care for.
Mobil 1 0W-40 13.5 cSt at 100 C.
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Old 08-09-2014, 01:37 PM
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nothing like the smell of 12 year old oil thread in the morning....
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Old 08-09-2014, 02:12 PM
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nothing like the smell of 12 year old oil thread in the morning....
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  #21  
Old 08-09-2014, 07:45 PM
Autoputzer Autoputzer is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MatWiz View Post
Mobil 1 0W-40 13.5 cSt at 100 C.
My old M3 had a oil temperature gauge, and unless I was stuck in traffic it read around 200degrees F, even less at speed. My new 535i seems to maintain about 240F. I'm assuming these temperatures are reasonably accurate.

10 points on the SAE viscosity index equates to around 15-25 degrees F, depending on where you are on the chart. So, a 0W-40 at 240 degrees F has roughly the same viscosity as 5W-20 at 210 degrees F. The "W" number is the SAE viscosity index at 32 degrees F. The chart is for single-vis oils, and it too old to have SAE 5 and SAE 0 lines. Multi-vis oils (with a W number) would have a flatter line. A 10W-30 would be a line at or below the SAE 10 line at 32 degrees F, and at or above the SAE 30 line at 212 degrees F.
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  #22  
Old 08-12-2014, 03:30 PM
335i Driver 335i Driver is offline
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Sure you can take your BMW to JIffy Lube and experience this:

http://www.bimmerfest.com/forums/sho...d.php?t=789923

I can also change my oil in my garage in less time it takes to drive to and from a oil change place, and know it's done right.

But, to add to the humor, blonde adding oil to a car:

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