Help! Car won't start...

I have been lurking these forums and google for the past 2-3 hours and I cannot seem to find anyone that has had my exact issue so here it goes:

Took car in to dealer (gah) this morning @ 9am for oil change. Had oil changed, drove home, everything seemed fine. (Aside from minor smell which I attributed to oil on the engine from the oil change)
Got in my car about 2 hours later, and it wouldn't start. Lights in dash come on, radio turns on, windows work, outside temperature read just fine as did the time, however there was no sound, no click or turnover, no whine of any kind, once I pushed the ignition switch.
So, I immediately call the dealership and explain. The brilliant young man on the phone informs me that "all we did was change the oil, sounds like you have a dead battery, you should call someone to come jump you. Other than that, sorry!"

I call roadside assistance.. although I am fairly sure that my battery is just fine, I do this to satisfy all possibilities. Roadside assistance comes, he is familiar with jumping BMW's and knows to do so through the hood vs. trunk, knows we need to leave it connected for a while etc. so it stays connected for a while, I put the key in, push the brake (as far as I can because it's stopped going in at this point) and tada! NOTHING!

... roadside leaves, car is still dead FML. At this point this is what's happening:
put in FOB, push brake (like I said it barely goes in) steering column doesn't unlock, and car will not start. I've tried jiggling it around and moving it side to side (I know they sometimes get stuck locked) and nothing. I did read somewhere that it is possible for your car & key to get "disconnected" somehow, I just wonder if this is what happened??

Could I somehow have triggered anti-theft? or the "immobiliser?" if so how do I disable this?

To top it off.... dealership promised me someone out to my house around 3pm, called them back AT 6 PM and they tell me that they're sorry, service is closed and they're very busy and since service is closed they can't do anything for me anyways so they
"don't know what to tell me" my ears were smoking.

Needless to say I am aggravated. My car was just fine and now it won't start, no noise, nothing. There has been no indication of something wrong, I have never had start up issues at all.... and the way it is looking I don't know what to do.
HELP!

damn that sucks. im sure it either your battery or most likely your starter. if your under warraanty the starter will be covered but if not your looking at like $1200. if its your battery then probably like $400 ish. i had a similar issue and the radio and lights still worked. Dealer replaced under warranty at the time. tow service tried to jump but it didnt work. i feel it may be your starter. good luck i also have an 06 330i. if your under warranty just go to dealer and if not i would look into an indy. hope i was of some help. try posting your issue on the other forum and im sure you will get more responses. pm me if you dont know which one it is.

Call me crazy but the exact same thing happened to me with my e90 ! It ended up being thr coolant was low ? Sounds weird eh? Well at least I thought so.i ended up topping up the fluid and haven't had a problem since

I also have the 06 330 but mines the xi

If you're running on the original battery my guess is that you need a new one. Mine died a last month after 6 plus years of faithful service. $400 at the dealer and all is well now. Only concern is that the dealer should have caught your dying battery. Good luck.

Wow $400 for a new battery? Is this common even if you buy from Auto Zone or O'Reilleys?

$400 at my dealer. The registration process is what's pricey.

Registration process? You just can't buy a new battery and pop it in there? That is ridiculous!

The registration process involves the use of a BMW scan tool to prolong the life of the battery.

From a search:
"This process will increase the longevity of the new battery and will keep any battery and charging system warning lights off. The process can only be done with factory BMW scan tools or high end aftermatket tools like the Autologic."

Is this an Automatic Transmission? If so, try putting it in neutral to start. There is a switch that will only allow the car to start in park or neutral that sometimes gets out of adjustment.