Z3 Roadster (E36/7) 96 1.9 Z3 Roadster. Engine turns over but no spark and no fuel.

So the problem is, I can turn the key and have everything light up just like normal, except for the spark plugs and fuel pump. I hooked up a plug outside the engine to check for spark and came up with nothing. I also put a gauge on the fuel rail and came up with no pressure.

Thats the problem, heres how it got to this point.

It was a simple gasket replacement job. I replaced the head cover gasket with no issues, and then replaced the oil filter bracket gasket. To get to the oil bracket I had to take off the alternator and its bracket, plus move a reservoir out of the way and take off the serpentine belt. I don't think I even touched more than 2 sensors in the air box while doing all that.
It did sit for about 2 weeks, and the battery (which was new, go figure) went dead during that time. So either a bad battery, or maybe an electrical problem that sapped the energy out of the battery. Either way, it was running before it sat, and now it ain't.

So I'm guessing its either,
1. A sensor that isn't talking to the ecu, even though I've checked, double checked, and triple checked all of them, I think. Does anyone have a quick list of sensors to check?

2. The ECU itself has died. I attribute this to the fact that when hooking up my laptop with OBDWiz software on it, I get a connection error. The software sees something connected, but can't communicate with it even after trying all the protocols, 8 of them or so. ISO 5... and 4..., etc.

3. A mouse in the car chewed on wires and grounded something?

I have a feeling its a sensor that I have somehow missed after several hours of looking and playing with things, anybody have a better idea?