June 27, 2012, 11:08 am
It's 7:25am and I'm already excited at the thought of getting into my BMW and enjoying the drive to work. As the garage door opens, I look around the neighborhood and see mom's with kids and 20 something's all going about their way to the pre-school or the train station for work. I smile.
Through past the neighborhood and further down the road I see 3 domestic cars driving the speed limit with plenty of gaps in between - which they purposely left open for me as they had noticed my angels eyes from afar rapidly catching up. I drop a gear and whiz past the first car nearly taking out his door mirror (they like when I do that), cut in front of the second one and get millimeters away from the rear of the third car until he moved aside (I think that one had one of those four ring emblems). The light in front proceeded to turn red from yellow and I floor it just making it past. In my rear view I see the cars stop at the light all flashing, honking and waving in amazement obviously praising me on the fine execution of a maneuver that only a BMW can perform.
Get onto the main highway, taxi's, buses, insignificant domestic cars and a Prius all litter the road making my morning commute a tad more aggravating. Only BMW's are allowed to be the first in the pack and I for one will not tolerate driving behind lesser makes. Through the use of my dual tone horn, high beams and aggressive force am I competently able to take command and attain my goal. Such hard work and its not even 8am. Need that coffee break already.
While stopped at the next light my phone rings, I turn down the Snoop blasting and answer - its my sexy Asian secretary and she's calling to tell me that the 10am with my buddy Simon head of Equity sales trading at Merrill has been cancelled - he's taken the morning off to go sky diving and will meet me instead tonight to talk strategy at his penthouse. He has hired a master sushi chef to come and prepare dinner - a bit bland I admit, but looking forward to that. Meanwhile, the light has turned green and I'm just finishing up the call while cars are having to go past me as they know never to inconvenience a BMW. As they slowly swerve around, they look over at me admiring my Armani, Movado and this amazing Alpine White BMW goodness. Yeah, I know they'd give up one year of their life to experience 10 seconds of mine.
Ok, turn Snoop back on (nothing beats these superior stock BMW subs) and accelerate further down the highway. The office parking entrance is on the left. No need to use the blinker as these mere mortals walking and bicycling to work know very well the standard protocol - which is to never get in the way of an oncoming BMW. I proceed to bulldoze my way through pedestrian traffic and down the parking entrance slope. I make my way towards my spot completely ignoring the 8Kph speed limit and park exceptionally perfect, fix my tie, do the 'look-back' and go up the elevator to start an ordinary working day.
At the main entrance, I kindly smile and open the door for the lady in front of me.