What the shop should have done was use the tcm from the old transmission and put that into the new one, you don't need to reprogram that way. Go back and see if they'll drop the valve body and put your old tcm back in.
I'm sure I've seen a thread or two or three over the years on this board or over at 5series.net where someone changed the mechatronics (that's the combo valve body and transmission computer that lives inside the transmission) and had it reprogrammed. When you are surfing around look for the word "mechatronics". Over at 5series.net, there is a very long running thread called "KyleB's 6HP19 service thread"...spend some time with that one.
Thank you both!! i think im on the right track but boy does these problems make we want to buy a toyota...
Sold wife's X5 some time ago and told her I'll get whatever she wants. She has a Toyota Rav4 Prime XSE. Plugin hybrid, 0-60 in 5.7 seconds, 50-ish miles on a charge, very nice.
This may be a drastic step, but it could be your backup plan. I read a few threads on mechatronic/tranny replacements, that said the VIN wasn't the issue IF you have the mechatronic from the same model and year. So, if you were to find the same model and year for your tranny, you could drop the valve body and swap out the mechatronic. Now, that's a lot of work and money in oil and such. But, it could be a backup plan.
So its from the same year, different model car