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Discussion Starter #1
So I was wondering if anyone had any crazy e34 stories out there?


I will start. I bought a 525i parts car that was running and the PO had used the car for drifting. Well he had drifted right into a phone pole. To the say the least he messed up one side of the rear of the car. But the crazy thing was he use a 3lb hammer to pound it out to where he could close the trunk.


I also found out that it you floor a 535i over a set of rail road tracks that is on a small hill you can fly over the tracks, but you cause the car to bottom out and knock off radiator hoses. (also scared the **** out of my date at the time.)

So what do you have?


Andy
 

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I don't know how crazy this is, but ...
In November 2013, during the height of the white tail deer rut, I was tooling down the highway in moderate traffic when a deer crossed in front of me. I slowed down, but the buck that was chasing the doe that I dodged ran into the passenger side of my car. Damage was light -- a ding in the right front fender, the cover on the passenger side mirror and the glass shattered, a little dent on the RR door. Deer got up and ran off, although he was hurting.
Almost exactly one year later, I was driving on another road in the area ... I saw an oncoming car slow down, but his headlights obstructed my view. Then, WHAM, I felt an impact and saw the head of an 8-point buck through the windshield. He ran into the side of my car just aft of the LF wheel. The impact set off the 4-way flashers, clipped the side mirror off completely.

I probably should have written the car off, but I found a parts car at Yaeger Salvage, a big yard up in Wausau. Picked up a LF fender and driver's door. They were even in alpinweiss, my color. I probably should have bought all four doors -- the car was nearly rust-free. In fact, it looked better than the car I was fixing.
 

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I've got a 4,000 RPM rev limiter I didn't pay for. Trying to pass sometimes in hinky situations, I've got my eye on the hill ahead to gauge which pedal I should be working and she goes hucky buck, hucky buck, some kind of crazy stalling or shifting thing. Sometimes so bad that I brake and pull back in for a better shot since I missed this one clearly. Could see a light on the dash flash but I wasn't going to look and it's on for just a flash.

Eventually I found out that it's Check Engine light and I also found out that in neutral trying to flush air out of the cooling system that at 4,000 RPM the engine dies clean but reignites at 3,500. I played with that for a while not believing any part of it. Took a night of searching to determine that it must be the regular gas I'm using trips the knock sensor and that halts fuel injection to kill the engine momentarily. I'll attempt to put some premium in her and see where she knocks at then as a further refinement/test of my WAG theory.

Those deer go absolutely out of their mind during rut, females too. Saw one out on the left side in an open field and she saw me turning my head seeing her due to low sun angle right in my face. Mind blown she attempted to cross the road in front of me running full tilt panic mode straight at a semi-truck approaching me. My billiards instincts detected a possible bank shot off the semi might end my trip right there, so I laid on the brakes hard while she doing the same at the very last moment possible just about planted her face in the ditch just in front the truck. Another guy's story was he was just driving down a dirt road and the next thing he knows is that a buck has his head in the open passenger window trying to get in. He couldn't keep up and eventually fell away, but totally confused that lone driver.
 

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When I bought my '95 530i I found one very worn flip flop in the back... That's probably my craziest e34 story (for now, at least).
 

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Not very crazy, just a story. This one just happened to me last week...


For some context, im a high school senior, and so I have the last two hours of school off.

I was on my way to pick up my brother after school, and was stopped by a crossing guard near one of the elementary schools. All the snow had just melted, and it was about 60* out, a beautiful day. Because it looked like it wouldn't get icy on the roads anymore this year, I had just a few hours before taken out ~300 lbs of bricks out of the back (used 'em to get more weight over the rear wheels).

Well, as it happens, I was stopped right next to the entrance to the school and as a result there was a TON of loose gravel on the ground from the snow trucks. After the kids passed, and the crossing guard went back onto the sidewalk, I started going. Naturally, my wheels spun on the loose gravel as I accelerated (only for about a second). I glance out of the corner of my eye and see the crossing guard moving towards me. I look in my rear mirror, and sure enough, she's waving her arms like a madman. I pull over and put on my 4 ways and roll down the window, very, very confused.

Long story short, I got yelled at (not stern talking, literally YELLING at me) by a middle aged crossing guard for "accelerating" because i was supposedly mad that I had to stop and wait for the kids to cross (which I wasn't, I have to wait almost every day)

Very confusing for me, because I didnt know I was doing anything wrong. Guess she just had a bad day, or has never seen a rear wheel drive car with bad tires :dunno:
 

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Discussion Starter #9
I had a bad time after I replaced my dual mass fly wheel on my 89 535i. For a while it worked great until one day I get in the car and nothing happens when I step on the clutch. It will not shift into gear, but the clutch pedal has pressure. So I freak out and turn off the car. When I turn the car back on there is no problem. I do this for a week. I am bleeding the clutch, from both ends. I am pressure bleeding it I am doing everything I can think of. I finally break down and take it to the shop. The shop tells me that I am crazy because clutches do not work that way and that there is no why my car would do that. They keep the car for 4 days and it works fine for them each time they go to start the car up. So I say what ever I will just come and get the car. Well the mechanic always starts manuals up with the car in gear and the this time my clutch decides not to work. Behind the business is an caboose. The car goes rather quickly at the caboose, the mechanic is able to turn the car off before the car hits the caboose. He then admits he has no idea why this 535i is having this problem.

So I drive the car this way for another 2 weeks when I decided I better drop the tranny and find out what is going on. At this time I am thinking maybe the slave is not pushing out enough, the clutch is falling apart for some reason, the ***8230;***8230; is happening.


I get it apart and find out that 2 of fingers on the pressure plate have broken off and at times would get stuck in the pressure plate causing not to shift. So I replace the pressure plate and went on my way.


Andy
 

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Not a crazy story, but completely forgotten "feature" of our cars. For months the front vanity lights did not illuminate as I thought they were wired through the front map light switches. Took them out, bulbs are fine, check fuses all good. Then read a very old post that says they are switched to the vanity mirror slide panel? I never, ever use those mirrors, and my wife probably has never used them either. Sure enough, slide the mirror cover panel, lights come on.....so strange they are switched that way. In fact, I keep the sun visors flipped forward almost 100% of my driving time (except at night), forget the mirrors are even there.
 

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Couple months after buying my e34, I noticed that when I had passengers in the rear seat we'd occasionally hear a faint little music chime playing. Kinda like the alarm beep of a cheap wrist watch, but more musical. It was very intermittent and only occurred with passengers in the rear seat.

I had removed the rear seat cushion several times to service the battery and look for the source of the sound with no luck.

A couple years had passed and I was vacuuming out the rear seat when I heard the music faintly playing once again while tidying up. This time I immediately tore apart the seat while listening for the source of the sound. Peeling back the sound-proofing mat revealed an LCD pocket game...like the old Nintendo "Game & Watch" kind.

It had slipped through the crack in the seat and somehow gotten wedged between the sound proofing mat and the body of the car.

Sure enough, the game was stuck so that every time you pressed any button the intro sound (a series of musical beeps) would start playing.

The weight of any passengers was just enough to activate a button and get the music playing, and the unit was buried far enough underneath the sound proofing as to sufficiently mask the exact whereabouts when trying to locate it by ear.

Made for an interesting ice-breaker for passengers when the car would start randomly playing cute little music. I didn't have a clue about the source of it up that point. :dunno:
 

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All for the 89 535 I have had for 14 years...

2011/2012: After installing Koni adjustables on the front...encountered a 1 Series on the Ortega hwy heading back to OC from Temecula...very enjoyable and aroma of brake dust smelt along the journey.

2014: Exhaust hangers needed to be rewelded and new rubbers installed. Minor fuel leak from dried out hoses...luckily the car didn't explode.

2016: Drove from OC to San Francisco for a two day trip. Mainly to escape work and to experience Max Cooper Emergence show. While leaving SF the next day...Blower motor on high starts blowing electrical fire smoke and would NOT shut off even with ignition out. Had to pull the magic sword to stop it. Easy fix.

2018: Picked up a friend to head to LA for VRLA 15 minutes from home. As we head towards the 5, he smells something burning...left rear seat had smoke coming from under seat.

Electrical harness was shorting to ground on chassis and other wires. Easy fix.

Being attentive while driving and aware of surrounding is key. I never had a serious accident or encounter...just hardware failure through means of driving this car how it should be..."ultimately.".
 
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