OP:
I have a 2012 dark graphite II 550i with black nappa and anthracite and ceramic controls. Imo, most elegant combo available for this car. But as a previous poster said, it does get hot so you would have to factor the expense of getting the windows tinted with a film that provides sufficient heat rejection. I highlighted the above quote because I could not agree more with the statement. Like you I was very meticulous about my car buying choices and how to properly spec them. I was also skeptical about whether I would need certain options. Below is a list of options that I either chose or you mentioned in your post, and I state whether I believe in hindsight they were worth the money to choose or a good idea to forgo. Please note that I offer this purely as my own opinion based solely on my experience with the car so far, and not what I have read:
Nappa: Worth the money. I have had the car 4 months and I still look forward to smelling and touching the leather. It's very smooth but yet somewhat durable. Given how often I get in and out of the driver's seat I think its remarkable that I haven't seen any creases. However, I don't think it's as durable as dakota, and that's something to keep in mind since you have kids. That wasn't a consideration for me. I didn't choose dakota because I didn't like the coarseness and I preferred the feel of the nappa.
Top view camera: Worth the money. One of the best options you can get. Makes parking and maneuvering this big ass car (I'm coming from a honda accord coupe) very easy. This option may have already paid for itself by reducing the likelihood that I'm going to scratch the rims. You can also look at this as protecting your investment. I use the S&T cameras alot more than the rearview camera, probably like 80/20.
ARS: Worth the money to me, but maybe not for others. Not worth the money if your car is strictly going to be a daily driver. But if you like to drive and hit off ramps at 70 mph without any roll, then you and your passengers will enjoy ARS. Also makes driving through curvy and twisty roads pretty enjoyable. You will marvel at how fast and maneuverable a car this size can be. I have to say that this one option made my driving experience through back roads of germany and switzerland one of the highlights of my trip.
HUD: Worth the money. If I didn't have this, then I wouldn't know how fast I was going......and that's pretty important. The way my steering wheel is configured, and my normal hand placement, blocks the speedometer. So HUD helps out with this. Also, the turn by turn directions are very useful and make driving somewhere that you need directions to safer. And by selecting this option I was able to get a modified driving display panel that gives more information than the regular non-hud driving display. I'm not sure if that is still the case with the 2013s. For the 2012 it was called the extended black panel display, or something like that.
Night vision: Did not get. Did not think it was worth the money. But your unique circumstances may dictate otherwise.
4 zone climate control: Did not get/not worth the money. I'm usually alone in the car.
Dynamic Dampers: Absolutely worth the money. Honestly, I should have probably led off with this one because this is just a different vehicle without the dampers. When I go from comfort to sport, I seriously feel like I'm driving a different car. Suspension, throttle, steering control all feel different....i.e. better and more precise.
Adaptive Cruise Control: Did not get it. I rarely use the regular cruise control. But it seemed to me that the advantages gained over the regular cruise control didn't justify the price of this option.
BMW Apps: Not worth the money. I only got them in the hope that eventually a solution for my Android phone would be around the corner. Unfortunately that has not been the case.
Integral Active Steering: Not sure on this one. I honestly do not know if this was worth the money because I do not know how much this option contributes to my current driving experience. Yes the vehicle has a better than expected turning radius, but the option was advertised as one that improved handling at quicker speeds and I just can't tell if that is true or not. ARS you can actually feel working. IAS not so much.
Msport: Had to get it. From the beginning I considered this to a be non-optional option. Non msport F-10s just didn't have that agressive sport sedan look that I was aiming for.
Sideview Cameras: Not worth the money. I rarely use them. If I had to guess, I would say that I have used them (other than just messing around) to assist my driving a grand total of 3 times.......and 2 of those times was in europe. I use the top view and rear view cameras far more often.
RFT: Not an option, but I thought I would list it here. I swapped out my pirelli rfts for some michelin pilot super sports based on the rave reviews I read on this forum......and I haven't looked back. The pirellis were actually not that bad, I didn't have anywhere near the horrible experience that others had with their oem rfts (maybe because I live in LA). But there was a noticeable difference in handling and ride quality when I went with the super sports. After all they are oem M5 tires. And the guys at the tire shop were I got them installed (not purchased) were gushing over how much I was going to like them. So far I haven't been disappointed.
Sorry, I'm too lazy to look at the packages for 2013 right now, but side/top cameras are a must. I don't know if I can ever have another car without them.