The drive of a lifetime in a BMW...

I received a phone call from my service guy at Towne BMW in Buffalo on Friday. The conversation went something like, "Hey Chris, your car is all done... everything's set... oh by the way, there's an M5 here available for test driving." I let out shrill of excitement as I hung up the phone. Immediately I called my sales guy, Dave. "Dave, I understand my car is done, can I come get it tomorrow around 1pm?" "Sure thing Chris." "Oh by the way, I also understand there's a certain car available for test driving there at your dealership, a certain car that is basically NEVER EVER available for test driving. Am I correct?" "Ah yes, the M5. We're trying to keep the mileage down but I'd say you could take it around the block a few times if you wanted." Immediately I wet myself; this is just an opportunity not to be missed!

So I arrive at the dealership appx. 1 hour early. The weather is outstanding; about 45 degrees and clear. I see my car, I see Dave. I say to Dave, "Hey what's up! I'm gonna switch cars now from the loaner to my 330, and I'll be right back." I quickly shuffle out to my car, which is lookin pretty good compared to the banged up 528i next to it. I also notice a 2001 Ti Silver M5 rolling up to the front of the lot. "This is it!" I say as I toss, with no regard for accuracy, everything from my loaner to my car. I grab the digicam and I'm off.

About 30 minutes and 20-odd photos later, I'm standing outside smokin a butt and I see Dave skating across the showroom to a customer. I just kept thinking about how the M5 so casually strolled into the parking lot; I mean c'mon. This thing has almost 400hp; a 6spd tranny; the rumble of an M-tuned V8 (not to be confused with the rasp of an M-tuned I6); 18x8 and 18x9.5 chrome shadow wheels; HOT baby, this car is smokin. Fully-loaded with all the amenities. Another 20 minutes and 5 smokes later, Dave appears at the door. As I see the M-badged key fly through the air and into my hands, I hear "Now be nice" and the door shuts. Immediately I wet myself, again. They're gonna trust ME on the road with a $74k car by myself? I couldn't even get a 3-series out on my own when I was buying my car; I guess being an established customer has its perks!

Sliding into the M-contoured black leather driver's seat, I feel a sense of overwhelming power; like I command this car, and I own this road. It's like nothing I've ever experienced, but then again this car is like nothing I've ever been in, been near, or driven for that matter. As I turn the ignition key, the engine rocks the car back and forth with an attitude of "I own YOU, punk kid." I can't help but be nervous; 0-60 in 4.8?! How in the hell can I possibly handle that?? As I back out of my parking spot (with no gas pedal usage by the way) I notice that the shifter is much higher (1-1.5") and the throw is much shorter (also by about 1"). The steering wheel is thick, padded, and light in my hands. Almost too light, but hey, I'm not complaining. As I round the corner to exit the lot, I know, for sure, that this is gonna be a hell of a ride.

I'm taking it easy, shifting below 2k, never getting on the gas too hard. I roll up to the intersection of Transit and Main and I blip the throttle to downshift into 1st. Man alive, what a roar. As I'm waiting for the light to turn, I have a bit more fun (about 6k worth) as I rev the engine harder and harder. I glanced over to the gas station on my right and notice that everyone is staring at me; the punk ass kid driving this beautiful machine like I just slapped an exhaust and body kit on it. Little do they know... muhahahahaha.

The light changes, and I'm off. I get a clear left lane to play with, so of course, I can't help but put the pedal down! DSC immediately limits my fun; damn does this thing have power. I get visions of rolling-start burn-outs flying through my head, but then I realize I'm actually moving, quite fast in fact. Before I know it I'm 1) at the redline in 2nd, 2) at almost 70mph, and 3) about 500 feet in front of everyone who was previously in front of me. So I make a u-turn and do it all over again; about 5 times in fact. Then I notice this little button down by the shifter. It reads "Sport". SPORT MODE! Of course!! Why didn't anyone tell me about this? <click> as the green LED shines with all its might that the heavens of automobile power intended for it.

I manage to scoot around town for about 10 minutes and then I found myself winding down an on-ramp onto a little 4-lane highway. The ramp, being rated at 35mph, was being raped at about 60mph by this monstrous beast I was piloting. The car handled the turn like it should; refined. Body roll was not in the cards; neither was understeer OR oversteer. I guess I could have gone even faster! But let me tell you, that car does NOT feel like it weighs over 2 tons. "Amazing" I say out-loud.

I found myself flying down this highway at almost 110, just to the top of 3rd gear. As I'm slowing down an evil thought entered my head... "TURN OFF TRACTION CONTROL YOU PANSY". Without hesitation I clicked the DSC button, taking care NOT to click the Sport button right next door. Muhahahaha. As I make a u-turn I notice this little green Sentra creeping up on me at about 50mph. I'm rolling along at about 5mph, just above idle. As soon as he was about 100 ft behind me, I floored it and the beast came alive. The car sunk back as the rear wheels began to spin, then hop, then hook up and I was OUT of there so fast. Immediately the tach screamed "SHIFT!!!!" so I slammed 2nd and smoke was born. Billowing from the rear wheel wells, it didn't take long for the 275-series Pilot Sports to hook up again as I was snapped into my seat like someone had just thrown a 4-pt harness over me. Needless to say the little green Sentra never caught up. <grin>

As I returned to the dealership I realized why the previous test driver had been going so slow; my legs were shaking, my heart was pounding, the adrenaline was rushing. What an ordeal! The last thing I wanted to do was park this thing and leave it! But alas, the time had come. The smell of a freshly-raced yet-not-broken-in-properly M5 V8 engine engulfed me as I exited the car. I had just put 8 miles of my own personal torture on this car, and I was beaming. (no pun intended)

The ride of my life I tell you. I wouldn't last more than a month without going to jail for SOMETHING if I had that car. I must admit though, I didn't care for the steering as much as my 330 or the M3. I can understand how it might be a little lighter, since the average demographic for that car is definitely not a 20-something. But c'mon, this is an M car. Aside from that, it was perfect in every way. Now I just need to get my hands on a Z8 for a bit and I'll be set for life!